The 10 on-trade emojis we'd most like to see

Chris Losh

Chris Losh

04 September 2018

A week ago we ran a story on Kendall-Jackson's noble attempts to address arguably the biggest issue of our time: the inexplicable lack of a white wine emoji.

After all, if there's a lobster, racoon and not one, but two types of camel, then surely it's not too much to ask.

But, frankly, why stop there? On a quiet afternoon, we raided our Drinks Cupboard of Shame, poured a few sharpeners and had a think about some other emojis that we thought might be useful for the on-trade.


We're sorry about the velouté, really we are, and honestly, the whole team loves you. But put the knife down.


Sure, they work more normal hours than you do, and get paid to jet all over the world. But it's a small price to pay for handing over your soul.



They're a bit too suave, a bit too loud, a bit too annoying. But oh my God is that a black Amex? Time for Operation Rinse...



Just pulled two weeks of back to backs. Can't walk. Can't speak. Just need braaaaiiins.


Fruit. Fire. Lurid shirts. Is that a steel band in our till or are we just pleased to see you?


Of course it's brown and fizzy, sir. It's authentic. I'd recommend Instagramming it rather than drinking it.


We did sell a glass of port back around the millennium I think. Or was it sherry?


It's sweet, it's pink, it's fruity. It's your classic traditional London Sweet Fruity Gin style.



I wanted to be a nuclear physicist you know, but I failed my science GCSE.



Comply to EU hygiene standards, John? Course it bleedin' does. What do I look like? A muppet?

Related articles

Beer & Cider

Make the most of Dry January with these 10 no- and low-abv beers

To exploit the full potential of Dry January make sure you stock a varied and quality driven selection of no- and low-abv beers.


A perfect 10

ENTER NOW! Patrón Tequila is on the hunt for perfectionist bartenders to craft its best cocktails for 2016.


Bramble turns 10: an interview with Mike Aikman and Jason Scott

The party hats and streamers are out in Edinburgh as Bramble, a tiny subterranean cocktail bar that has turned out some of the world’s best bartenders

Beer & Cider

Moves like Jaega: Meet the brewer changing the face of craft beer

From her inventive brews to her passion for making beer accessible, Jaega Wise is at the forefront of craft today. We caught up with her to chat everything from sours to sexist advertising.